Language in Thought and Action: Tips for Effective Communication (Part 7)

This is the seventh part of ‘Language in Thought and Action’: Tips for Effective Communication. For more tips, please read my other articles.

Language in Thought and Action

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Each of us is complex and in constant flux, but at the same time, we have a tendency to use certain words to describe ourselves. According to psychologist Carl Rogers, the “map” we draw of ourselves is our “self-concept”. Much of what we do, what we wear, what tasks we accept or shirk, and what people we interact with is determined not by our real strengths and weaknesses, but by what we think we have, i.e., our “self-concept”.

The “self-concept” is a verbal description, an abstract expression of what we think about ourselves, and this process of abstraction reveals what we think about ourselves. For example, there is a big difference between the phrases “I’m a gas man at a gas station” and “I’m just a gas man at a gas station”. As mentioned above, the former is a report, but the latter is a judgment, meaning “I shouldn’t be like this”, “I’m ashamed of what I am now”, and so on. In the long run, this kind of concept will make us more and more dissatisfied with the job.

The most important feature of the help given by counselors is that they do not pass any judgment on the visitors. Or rather, they are helping the visitor to change “I’m just a gasman at a gas station, and therefore have nothing to show for it” back into the report: “I’m a gasman at a gas station”.

So, In order to get to know ourselves better, we can practice shaping some realistic self-concepts. **Try this: First, write down all the “facts” about yourself, especially the ones that make you feel ashamed or embarrassed, and then ask yourself the following questions about those facts:

“Do I need to pass judgment on this?”

“Who actually passed judgment on this? Should I do the same?”

“Is it impossible to make any other judgment than that?”

Take an example, like the one pointed out in parentheses:

I am a gas man at a gas station. (Is it necessary for me to think the same way as someone who finds being a gasman a disgrace?)

I’m a housewife. (So what?)

With this practice, our view of ourselves becomes more outward-looking, and our ability to accept ourselves increases. Instead of judging “good” and “bad,” we can simply face reality: I’m shorter than most people, I’m not good at sports, and so on. By constantly correcting our self-concept through language, we can make it relevant and ultimately become more objective and intelligent in our perceptions of ourselves and the actions and decisions we make as a result of it.

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